a tribute

My Aunt Maria read this on Christmas Eve and I needed to share.

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

for Sandy Hook Elementary

Twas' 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38, 

when 20 beautiful children stormed though heaven's gate.

Their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air.

They could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there.

They were filled with such joy, they didn't know what to say......

They remembered nothing of what had happened earlier that day.

"Where are we?" asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse.

"This is heaven." declared a small boy.

"We're spending Christmas at God's house." 

When what to their wondering eyes did appear, 

but Jesus, their savior, the children gathered near.

He looked to them and smiled, and they smiled just the same.

Then he opened His arms and He called them by name.

And in the moment was joy, that only heaven can bring.

Those children all flew into the arms of their King.

And as they lingered in the warmth of his embrace, 

one small girl turned and looked at Jesus' face.

And as He could read all the questions she had, 

He gently whispered to her, "I'll take care of mom and dad."

Then he closed His eyes and He outstretched his hand, 

"Let My power and presence re-enter this land!" 

"May this country be delivered form the hands of fools"

"I'm taking back my nation. I'm taking back my schools!"

Then he and the children stood up without a sound; 

"Come now my children, let me show you around."

Excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran;

All displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can.

And I hear Him proclaim as he walked out of sight, 

"In the midst of this darkness, I AM STILL THE LIGHT."

by: Cameo Smith

I love those little kiddies and their families just the same! I send more than just love their way.

christmas

I love Christmas.
It is my favorite holiday by far.
The month of December is filled with family gatherings, good food, laughter, memories, and generous hearts. I could thank a lot of people for making the holiday season so great but there is one person who makes Christmas time my favorite. That person is my Grandma Sandy. Each aunt, uncle, cousin, and sibling will agree. Grandma makes Christmas what it is. My grandma's spirit is everywhere. On every table, every decoration, the christmas carols, the memories, each detail, she is there. No one will understand but she makes Christmas magical. Our family traditions keep us close and remind us of the amazing person who influenced who we are today. Each Christmas eve before singing carols around her grave the girls in my family gather around the piano and sing the forgotten carols. It is the same song every year, tears are shed by all around, and grandma is there with us. Just hearing the song gives me chills and I am sure it does each member of my family. I can't wait for Christmas.

***

I cry the day

that I take the tree down

I want the season

To last all year round

And I'm dreaming of

Christmases when

We'll be together again

***

love

3 months ago today my relationship ended.
Since then, I still have a hard time getting out of bed,
I stay up late with my mind wandering,
and I most definitely have not fallen out of love.

3 months people....
that is a long time.

In the last 3 months if we have had a conversation, I have more likely than not asked for some sort of relationship advice or internally felt more pathetic than a spineless hedgehog.

Well to say the least I have gotten really good advice... sometimes it helps... other times not so much.


I have heard that these emotions make you feel alive.


I have heard that getting out of bed can be an accomplishment somedays.


I have heard that time is good.


I have heard that I just need a little hope and faith.


Hope, faith, time, waking up, and being alive.

This is what I need and you may need it too.

I don't know if it is just me but a lot of the relationships that surrounded my life the past couple of months are deteriorating. Does this mean that February, March, and April of 2013 will have a staggering less amount of engaged couples than in previous years?

probably not.

But it does mean that I am not alone.
And that is what keeps me together most days.
Knowing that my hardships are not unique and that if I expect others to pull through, I need to too.

craze

I am going crazy.
We had almost a week long break in which I spent every minute of it at my family's cabin. I managed to get a little studying in, a lot of family time in, some great laughs, some good gaming, and a whole lot of food. I am having a Thanksgiving hangover currently. While also in spirits of thanksgiving we also celebrated birthdays of my dad, mom, and piper, and had a few housewarming parties at the cabin with great friends.

Take me back.

thanksgiving

Guilt

forgiveness is hard.

forgiving yourself is even harder.

Piper

I love this girl.

She is 17 today, so it is only fitting I right 17 great things about her.

1. She is my best friend.

2. She is a princess.

3. Piper doesn't get mad at anything besides stealing her clothes or making her kill spiders.

4. She loves to sing no matter how good her voice is that day.

 5. Piper would go out of her way to make anyone feel better.

6. She is the best cuddle buddy.

7. She doesn't stop caring.

8. She doesn't stop smiling.

 9. Her pain tolerance is unbelievable. 

10. She loves sleepovers.

 11. When Piper loves you, she makes it a point to show you.

12. Piper talks louder than anyone I know but I have heard her yell maybe twice.

 13. She calls just to say hi.

14. Her laugh is ridiculously contagious.

 15. She is patient. very patient.

16. The important things in her life are her sister, cupcakes, and clothes.

17. She is the best sister the best friend and is turning into an even more incredible person everyday. 

Happy Birthday Baby!

politics. by first graders

With today being election day, this seemed appropriate.
Today in first grade, I learned about politics.

boy: I don't want Obama to win because he smokes.
girl: What do you mean?
boy: I mean he smokes....
girl: (sits there confused)
boy: Like he does drugs!
girl: Some drugs are good.


girl: Did you know that obama is going to cut everyone open and put chips in their arms?


girl: Obama will win because my mom is always right.


boy: I love Mint Ramen


Our class had a mini election with a voting booth and all....
Results:

Obama: 11
Romney: 12

so unfortunately true.

be remarkable

sometimes I feel like I am just along for the ride. often times I forget my place in the world. I wake up forgetting my potential, my affect, my talents. I am one who just goes with the flow. I do what I am told. I forget.
so as I remember, let yourself remember this too.
John Green wrote,

Wow.... another semester down.
It feels like I was just in Sweden yesterday
but soo much has happened this semester.

I am done with finals and it is officially summertime!! kind of... I am more stressed than I should be.. Why is that?! Because EVERYONE has a job.... except me, classes start on Monday and I haven't thought twice about buying another textbook,  and I am going to live with 6 girls this summer, three of which I don't know, and to top it all off, Jon leaves in 12 days to move across the country. Am I worried? Not in the least bit. I am actually beyond excited for what is in store for me this summer. It is going to be an adventure to say the least. as for this weekend though, I am sitting back and relaxing. because I am done. at least for the weekend.

Jon has an amazing opportunity ahead of him, he is off to work in a physical therapy clinic as an intern in NEW JERSEY! We all know how well dating long distance worked out last time.... and so yes, we are trying again. Why not right? Things work better the second time anyways, as we've all been told practice makes perfect. This time around, I will be the one at home and Jon will be having the experience of a lifetime. I am so excited for him to live outside of Utah doing something he will hopefully fall even more in love with.

As for summer school.... yep, I am taking it. And YES I will be in school for 100 more years. Literally. Between switching my major, taking fun classes, studying abroad, and adding a second major to my load it has set me off track a little bit... but it will be WAY fun being in college with my younger siblings. RIGHT?! bittersweet to say the least.

forever.

so that is now, but what was then? Spring semester is over and I had so much fun. Nothing went as expected and it has been a blast. I don't have a lot of pictures from this semester because I didn't have a camera at the beginning. I spent a lot of time in bed sick with tonsillitis/getting them removed. and I became less of a picture addict as #hashtagging and instagram seemed to take over everyone's spare time. I also surprisingly took up major studying habits and am receiving the best grades this semester than I have ever had in my entire life. to recap with the few pictures I have, I will start here.

I not only moved back to the United States, or Utah, but I moved back to LOGAN! 

Welcome home!

no words can explain what happened here... just...

here we are! together!

Katie fell more in love with Mario... I mean Mason.

This became my new bed. 

who knew being a junior in college would mean getting a bunk bed?

One of my very most favorite couples got engaged!

Literally so perfect for each other!

Our apartment accidentally started growing random... plants.

I continued volunteering with Best Buddies and had the

amazing opportunity to be Tagg's buddy.

We got WAKEE with the best game in the world,

more times than I could ever count.

We country danced in the Talent Show. 

Next year we may or may not be headlining.

I dated a blood drop while Jon put on multiple campus wide blood drives.

Rugby games became regular weekend events as Connor began starting in the Varsity games.

And as the end came, we got to take a little break and go to St. George!

it's the little things.

My car was sitting in it's little parking spot for more than one snow fall yesterday. It sat all day; as Logan turned into a little snow globe. I watched cars slip and slide and get stuck all day long and I dreaded waking up in the morning to drive me definitely frozen over car. We all know wiping your car off after it not only sitting in a snow storm, but sitting in one, then sitting over night is one of the very worst things about the whole winter season. Today I woke up dreading unburying my little car. As I walked down the steps and out to the parking lot it hit me. Everyone's cars were buried with at least one of foot, and I knew I should have put my snow boots on first. but then... I saw just what I needed. My car. Not a foot of snow, not even an inch. My car was completely clean. Someone cleaned all of the snow off of my car! And who was it that did this random act of kindness? that made my whole day? Who else?! It was jon. He seriously doesn't go a day with out surprising me, and reminding me of how freaking lucky I am to get to be with him. What a cutie right? I know.

annnndddddddd to add to all of the excitement! My camera got stolen a couple weeks ago and I was more than sad about it. Every picture from Christmas break on.... gone. until.......  Valentine's Day. This year Jon went above and beyond... expect anything less at this point? well after many surprises I didn't think I could be happier... then we exchanged gifts.... and Jon definitely won in the best gift given this year. Now I need to get back in the habit of keeping my new shiny camera on hand!

I know I am bragging.... but it's my blog... so I get to right? okay.... sorry.

I know you feel it too.

I have these days, where I am supposed to be overly productive because I have a very busy week ahead of me, and I just... am not. Today is one of those days. I am sitting here, at my turquoise kitchen table, in my adorable apartment, by myself, with all of my books out on the table, doing what? My slippers are on, my hair is pulled up in the typical, "I don't care because I am happy" bun bobbing on top of my head, my sweatshirt pulled loose, and my yoga pants on.... but really, what am I doing? I have my laptop placed right on top of everything, bending my papers, creasing the pages in my books, smudging the pencil markings, and I just don't care. As my fingers glide across my pink keyboard, and I listen to Soko, Susie Suh, and Birdy, I am just not feeling like being in the homework mood. I am on pinterest, reading blogs, adoring over pictures of people, their happiness, and their love..... not having a single care in the world. So I decided to make a blog post myself.

Valentines Day is on Tuesday, and too all of the "single awareness" "valentines hating" "I don't want to spoil any girl because they are already spoiled" people.......... just stop reading and go to the library or something. I love Valentine's day. I have only had one real Valentine before and I have still always loved the holiday. It is not just for those in love, although it definitely is a bonus. Valentine's day is a day you get to eat red velvet cupcakes, pick all the carmel chocolates out of the box, wear a dress, curl your hair, take in the smell of fresh roses everywhere, sweet small kisses in public, red and pink wrapping, and oh my gosh have you ever been to Smith's on Valentine's Day? My favorite of favorite parts. The cute old men who have been married for 50+ years are still standing in front of the flowers trying to figure out which ones his wife will really love. Everyone is in this happy mood, because while they are surprising, they are getting surprised, and they are watching other people get surprised and ahh... sue me.... I love it. I love love and I love happy people. So everybody, Happy Valentine's Day!

I'm here and I am happy.

I have to say that I am one of the happiest girls on Earth right now. I lost the cord for my camera.... so once again.... no pictures. sorry. but just for my own good, read it anyways.... I was really dreading coming home from Sweden as many of you know. I had the time of my life. I most definitely had ups and downs and was on a bit of a roller coaster ride of emotions while there but I loved every minute of it. Even though I was dreading home, and was scared the entire flight back to America for what was in store... I got everything I wasn't expecting. I came home in time for Christmas and had a blast with my family! I love them and there is not a better time to be around my family than at Christmas. The feeling of love I have for all of my family, cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents especially cannot be put into words. I love them. But the best part of my Christmas break was getting back together with Jon. Ahh I just love that boy. but Christmas break was far too long ago to make that the point of my post.... To make this a little bit shorter than I want it to be, for your sake, I am going to try and not ramble.... the best way to do that.... make a list. Why am I so incredibly happy at this moment? possibly the Loratab is helping *read on for details, but I have a million and a half things to be soo grateful for at this moment.

1. I have the world's best boyfriend. This last Tuesday was his Birthday and I LOVE his Birthday! I don't know why I get more excited about his birthday than my own... but I do. I love to see how happy he is and I love to give him gifts because for the one time a year he can't get mad at me for spoiling him just a little.  I threw him a little party that I made chocolate peanut butter and lemon cheesecake cupcakes for and I got him some gifts that once again, I was more excited about than he was, well maybe not, but I was excited. I can't even come close to repaying him for everything he does for me. He seriously is nothing short than amazing. 

2. I have 3 1/2 baby cousins (Easton is getting old!!)  I love them all soo much! I can only imagine how it feels to be the new parent, grandparent, uncle, or aunt of these adorable babies because I am soooo happy and I am a freaking great aunt!! I can't stop looking at pictures of these adorable little things. I feel so blessed to be a part of my amazing family.

3. I love my roommates. Katie, Kumi, Caisie, and Kenzi. Yes I am a bit of a loner because my name doesn't start or end with a ck   ee..... but I am over it. It is not possible to live with better girls. Our apartment is soo cute, it is never messy, everyone is always happy, and every time we are together, I feel so blessed to get to live with them. Plus they don't judge me for eating creepy food, leaving my books on the table, or attempting to make chewy chubakka noises for hours at a time. who couldn't love them?

4. My classes. I have homework EVERY single night, I have spent more time in the library in my first month of school than I have my entire college career, and I am still not getting A's on every assignment, but I love them. I like all of my teachers and I am feeling really good about my major. Switching my majors to Elementary and Special Education was a really hard thing for me to do, but everyday I am reminded of what a good decision that was. 

5. I freaking love my mom. She is really the greatest person on the planet. She gets really mad at me for having to hear things through the grapevine rather than by me myself, but I can't compete with the gossip queens that hit the bowling alley once a week for their three hours of talk about Jordan time. My mom is incredible though. She taught me how to be who I am. She is the most motivating person. All she cares about is the well being of her children. She has more respect for everyone around her than I can begin to give to the most important people in my life. She really is amazing and brightens my day everyday. 

and my post all of a sudden got really long........ typical. but I still have more to write.... 

just one quick story. 

This week my throat swelled up like a balloon (on the inside.) I woke up on Thursday morning and couldn't even swallow, I could barely breathe, everything around me was spinning in circles, and I was shivering as I laid in my bed with 4 blankets on top of me.... to say the least... I was sick. I called Jon and explained to him that I needed to be driven to the Wellness Center immediately. When I got there the nurse took one look in my throat and called for back up. After ten minutes of walking  in the door I had three nurses look at my tonsils, my blood drawn, my tonsils swabbed, an injection in my hip, and tears that could fill a bathtub running down my face. I have NEVER felt more pathetic in my life. They still are unsure as to what exactly was wrong with me... my tonsils were "weeping" blood and looked as if I had a severe case of strep, but the test came back negative. My roommates have taken enough pictures to make me feel like I belong in a health magazine so you can ask them what it really looked liked.... anyways.... After leaving I was immediately drinking a Jamba Juice thanks to Jon, and taking a nap while he took my doctors note into my class excusing me from school for the next two days. As soon as I got home I couldn't take the excruciating pain any more and I took my first Loratab. I have been laying in my bed for two days now, and have watched plenty of 90210, been babied by Jon and Katie, and have been living off of ice cream, rice, water, juice, and my medication. cross your fingers I get better soon. I can finally swallow like a normal human being, and I got out of bed today to try and do a few things on my own. I drove myself to the doctors, swallowed my pills with only one sip of water each, I got myself my food, I took a shower, I did dishes, and okay.... I took a four hour nap and finished an entire season of 90210.... but I was a million times more productive than yesterday.

That is plenty for now.... thanks for reading. xoxo